


Justify My Love

by FairyNiamh



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Anal Sex, Biting, Confessions, Fluff and Smut, Fuck Or Die, Love Potion/Spell, M/M, Not Beta Read, POV Second Person, Souled Vampire(s), Trope Bingo Round 4, Vampire Sex, spelled
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-10 09:38:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3285527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyNiamh/pseuds/FairyNiamh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander was at the wrong place at the wrong time, or perhaps it was the right time; and Spike is happy to lend a hand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Justify My Love

His skin feels cool under your fingers. 'Too cold,' your mind supplies. You do not know why you were expecting him to be warmer, probably because all you had known before this was Anya, but it's still… a bit startling.

Yes, startling, but not off-putting. You can admit that to yourself now; that you wanted to be with Spike long before you had hooked up with Anya. Hell, you even wanted him before he had been chipped and was considered 'safe'.

Which, you suspect, makes you a sick fuck. Sick, but ultimately, you would be a happy sick fuck.

"You ever been with a bloke before, Love?" Spikes whispers the question into your ear, while running his hands, softly, over your arms.

"N-no," you manage to choke out. No, you have never been with a man, but you had imagined it. You have wanted for so long and you are hoping your lack of experience won't run Spike off.

You could hear the vampire standing before you purring. Fucking purring, because of your words. It was, well, it was beyond flattering. After all, Anya had not held any value for your v-card and Spikes reaction makes you feel special. Like you had imagined your first time being when you were just thirteen.

"Clothes off," Spike instructs, as he watches you like a hawk.

You slowly remove your shirts. Not in an attempt to be sexy, but because you are nervous. Your body is nothing to brag about. You've got a bit of a beer gut and Spike is a thin man. His skin like porcelain and yours is that of a construction worker. You search him for flaws and find none. Which makes you want to put your shirt back on and run away. You know each and every scar on your body and how you got them. Sadly, most of them were not obtained in the line of Scooby Duty.

You can't do this to Spike. It's not right. Yes, it was a fuck-or-die situation for you. No. you hadn’t told Spike that, but you still feel like you are using him for your own means; and you don’t want to feel like that.

"What's wrong pet?" he asks you; concern clearly coming through in his voice.

You take a deep breath and cover your face. His gentle words do nothing, to alleviate the guilt that is building inside you and threatening to overwhelm you. 

You do not utter the words aloud, but you wish you could be perfect, for the man in front of you. That you still had the body of the 17-year-old swimmer. That you had two eyes. That you didn't have scars littering you. That you don’t feel the aches and pains of age.

"I'm using you," you whisper, not bothering to remove your head from your hands.

Spike's brow wrinkles in confusion. You can tell he is trying to figure you out and… you're not sure you want him to. "Sorry pet, but you've lost me. _How_ are you using _me_?"

You take a deep breath, terrified to tell Spike the truth. Terrified he wouldn't believe you or worse yet, that he would believe you, but decide not to help you.

"I-I was cursed," you reluctantly confess.

You can tell that this does nothing to clear up the vampire's confusion. His eyebrows draw in further and his frown deepens. To be honest, it makes you feel a little sick and more than a little perverted.

With a sigh, you decide to give this man of your dreams a full-disclosure. He deserves that much, if not more. "Willow and Tara were fooling around. Not… not fooling around in the happy sense, but they were messing with magic that they shouldn’t have."

"Not liking the sound of this," Spike muttered, as he crossed his arms and hung his head.

You give a mirthless chuckle. "It gets better or worse depending on your view. They were messing with a curse that they found and it got out of control. Instead of fighting to control it, they just tossed it to the side, forgetting that I just happen to be standing there. Now, I'm in trouble and… I didn’t want it to be like this."

Spike pursed his lips and shook his head. "You're telling me a lot of stuff, without actually telling me the important bits."

You lick your lips nervously. He deserves to know everything. It's only fair after all. You hand him the spell they had been working on. The paper you had managed to shame the pair into giving you. The top read: ἀξιέραστος ἀπόρρητος, not that you had any idea what that meant. You just hoped the Spike did though.

Spikes looks at the paper and just stares at it. The longer he stares, the more nervous you become. "They threw this spell at you?" he finally asks in an even voice.

"Not _at_ me. Like I said, wrong place at the wrong time," you clarify; trying to alleviate your own fear and defend your best friend at the same time.

"Says it's a Forbidden Love spell. Seen lots of 'em that are forbidden. Why is this one forbidden? No blood, no sacrifice…" Spike muttered as he read the parchment.

Your heart sinks and your stomach gets tied in knots the longer Spike reads. Sadly, your hard on has not diminished during this fiasco. You still have the urge to roll over and shake your ass, while begging Spike to fuck you deep and hard.

"Well," Spike finally says, "I know why it's forbidden now."

That grabs your attention, or at least some of it. The part that isn't making you pant like a bitch in heat. "Wh-why?"

"What was your first thought when they whammied you, pet?" Spike asked while slowly removing his clothes.

"You, that I had to get to you," you confess.

"Good. Spell is forbidden; because, if ya don't get to the right person, you die and not of the vampire variety. How long have you had the hots for me then, love?" he asks as he slowly unbuttons his pants.

With each button, your mouth gets drier; in spite of the fact, you are drooling for the package that is still hidden. You whimper when his love trail becomes visible. You want it, want him, fuck you _need_ him.

"How long?" he asks again.

"Since, since you held me and Willow hostage. I couldn't stop looking at you and after you were gone... fuck, every time I took my dick in my hand; I saw you. Sometimes I would put ice to my hand and then imagined it was you fondling my balls and pulling me to completion."

Spike moans at your words. "Could have been in your bed instead of tied to the bloody chair. Finish stripping for me pet, want to see what I've been missing," he orders you.

You make quick work of your remaining clothes. Ditching the shirt hanging off your shoulders and trying to remove your pants. No finesse and no shame. You fall on your ass as you try to get out of your pants. You can't help but to laugh at yourself and it eases the knot in your stomach when you see Spike smiling as well.

"Try taking off your shoes first, love," he chuckled at your plight.

Your heart clenches and you so want this, but you honestly have no idea what _this_ is and you're afraid to ask. Not that anyone can blame you for that. You might not be a virgin, at least not in the literal sense, but in this aspect… yeah, you know little and have done nothing.

Once you are out of your pants, Spike helps you to your feet and then pins you to the wall. Your breath hitches as he leans in to claim your mouth more thoroughly than before.

With just this kiss, you feel owned, special, and so much more. When you start struggling for breath, Spike pulls away and lets you get your breath back. God, you both love and hate him when he smirks carelessly at your needful gasps.

He lunges back in and starts to kiss and nibble on your neck. You have no fear of him getting too excited and biting you. His conscious wouldn't let him. You are secure in that knowledge, because you have met William; and there is no kinder soul than his.

Shit, his fucking mouth should be declared an English National treasure. No, an International treasure, but not until he is thoroughly finished with you. If he's this good at kissing, you can't wait to see what everything else will feel like.

"Bed, please," you manage to groan out. You don't really want to move this party, but you know that you are in no shape for wall sex. You suspect that there might be a storm coming, as your hip is aching, just a little bit. 

You squeak when he picks you up and throws you over his shoulder. Not a sexy sound and not really a sexy pose, in your opinion. However, it would seem as if Spike thinks the position is appealing. Well, if the way he gropes your ass is any indication.

You gasp when his dry fingers slip between your cheeks and circle around your virginal entrance, as he makes his way to his bedroom. You whimper when the bare tip of his dry finger slips in. It doesn't hurt, not really, but it is a far cry from a good feeling.

"Shhh pet, just checking," Spike says soothingly as he carefully lays you on the bed. The gentle gesture is… somewhat, of a surprise to you. You will take it though. You'll take anything this wonderful vampire is willing to give.

You spread your legs in what you hope is an inviting manner.

"You got anything in the way of lube? Vamps might like dealing a touch of pain, but I don’t like stripping me knob of skin, for any reason."

You flush at his words and roll over to get the lube you had put in the bedside drawer. You want to kick yourself for not pulling it out when you called and invited him over. This had been your end goal after all. 

You pull out a condom and chew on your bottom lip. If you're being honest with yourself, you don’t want to use it. You're clean. Most people don’t find overweight, one-eyed men attractive, so you could write you sexual experience in a single line… a single name.

You're still debating about it when Spike plucks it from your hand and tosses it in the trash. "Can't use it." 

Your confusion written clearly on your face. "You need my 'essence' filling you, to break the curse," he clarifies and you understand.

You understand that he is doing this to save you, but you want to pretend it is something more. Well, even if it is a one-time fuck; at least you will have the memory of him emptying himself inside you.

You lick your lips and nod. All you can do is whisper "Sorry," as he grabs the lube and pushes your shoulders down on the bed. You would have preferred if he was facing you, but you will take it.

You are honestly shocked when you feel Spike's tongue run down the crack of your ass, stopping briefly to flick his tongue over your hole. You never imagined that the vampire would rim you. Shit, you used to think that was a disgusting practice. You would have never offered or suggested it, but right now, you couldn’t give a rat's ass about your hang-ups. 

You whimper when Spikes pulls back to blow gently across your spasming sphincter. If this feels this good, you are looking forward to what is to come.

Spike leans down and sucks on your heavy balls. You spread your legs wider to allow him easier access. While you are distracted, he slips a cold lubed finger inside of you. You can't help but to tense up at the unexpected intrusion.

"Shhh," the vampire whispers, "Just relax. Promise to be careful."

You nod and will yourself to relax. You can do this, you have to do this if you want to live and you want to do this… because it may never happen again.

Once you relax, Spike slowly pumps his slender finger in and out of your hole. It's not that bad, I feels a little weird, but it doesn’t hurt. You give a tentative push back on the invading finger.

"More please," you beg. It's… it's not enough. You don’t know what you are asking for, but you have faith that Spike knows. The vampire knows everything.

"Stay relaxed, pet," Spike whispers to you as he slips in a second finger.

This hurts a little, not a lot, just enough to make you scrunch your face. It reminds you of the time you had to wear the string underwear at the strip joint. Not pleasant, but not unpleasant. It's hard for you to explain.

Remembering how much you enjoyed the single digit when you rocked back on it, you do it again and are rewarded with stars shooting behind your eyes.

"Fuck," you pant out and push back harder.

"Yeah, knew you would like it. Been panting for a while now, haven't you pet?" Spike asks, sounding like he was running out of breath.

"Please, please, please," you beg him over and over again.

"Relax love, gonna take my time. Don't want to hurt you," he whispers. Torturing you buy repeatedly rubbing over your prostate.

You have no words. You can only thrust back on the vampire's fingers and clench your hand in the sheet under you. You want to beg, but you can't fully remember what words are.

You hiss as Spike fits another finger inside of your needy hole. It burns so good and you want more… you want Spike in every way you can think of.

After what feels like forever, Spikes pulls his fingers free and gently pushes your hip to turn you onto your back. "Would be easier on your knees, but I want to see your eyes. Want to watch as you come undone under me."

"Yeah, want that, want you," You plead as you draw him in for another kiss. Fuck, you want to build a shrine to his mouth. Your breath hitches as he pulls back and brings your knee over his shoulder.

You know what is coming and you want it so bad. You run your hand down Spike's chest and scratch lightly at the top of his love trail. A small thrill runs through you when his breath hitches. It makes you feel ten feet tall, knowing you are the one causing this delicious looking vampire to come undone.

You spread you free leg wider as Spike coats his straining erection. You lick your lips and run your fingers over your own nipples.

You want to cry tears of happiness when Spike finally starts to slowly push in. "Shh, you're doing fine, luv."

You reach up and realize that you are indeed crying. "Happy," you grit out when you feel Spike's erection brush over your prostate for the first time. Fuck, you never thought anything could feel this good.

Spike moans loudly when he finally bottoms out and stills. His beautiful blue eyes staring into your eyes. It feels like he can see your soul. Your breath quickens when you finally notice that he is flicking in and out of his transformation.

You slowly reach out and carefully run your fingers over the ridge o his eyebrow. "Go ahead," you whisper.

He finally lets loose and starts to pump in and out of you slowly. His fangs fully dropped as he vamps out and pushes into you with a bit more strength. You moan and expose your neck, you know better, but you want him to bite you.

You feel secure in the knowledge that he won't turn you without your consent. His soul won't let you become a monster. It doesn't mean he can't bite you though. "Spike," you moan, grabbing his soft locks of hair and pulling him to your neck.

"No," he says firmly, though he does not stop moving.

"Please, want it. Want you," you say, hoping to entice him.

Spike growl and speeds up his thrusts. "Got me, don't you? Can feel me moving inside you?"

"All of you," you whisper. Gently running your fingers over the vampire's lips and fangs.

You whimper when he fully stops thrusting and just stares at you with a wide-eyed wonder. "No pet, the spell don't…"

"No, it doesn't. I-I'm offering… all of me, to you," you confess.

"Xan…"

"You don’t have to accept it, me I mean. It's just an offer."

He started the slowly thrust into you again. "You don't want the bite, luv."

You groan in frustration and thump your head as hard as you can, your pillow keeping you from banging your head the way you want to. "I don’t want to be turned, but I would be lying, if I told you I never thought about you biting me. Please, Spike. I want you to bite me."

Your breath hitches and you, momentarily, have a deep feeling of triumph. Your neck tingles as he slowly runs his tongue over your pulse point. There is a fleeting moment of pain as his fangs finally pierce your skin. The feeling quickly morphs into pleasure beyond compare.

You had heard stories, from feeders, about the intense sexual euphoria they experienced, but you never believed it, not really. You send out a silent apology to them as you wrap your arms and legs around him.

You can tell how much Spike is enjoying himself. His trusts have sped up; and punches the breath out of you. You wish you could get enough air to moan, but it's impossible at this moment. You hope that your enjoyment is evident. 

You finally manage to whimper when your hand is swatted away from your erection. You hadn’t even realizes you had reached for it; or that Spiked had stopped feeding off you. "Please," you manage to say.

You suddenly feel his cold digits wrap around your aching erection and that was enough. You scream as your orgasm rips from your body. You don’t have to see to know that you are covering the blond man's hand with your jizz.

"So fucking good," you hear him say as he thrusts in you a few more times and stills. You can feel his erection twitching inside your channel. It should startle you to feel a cool liquid splash inside of you, but it doesn't. It felt… right. Like a piece you hadn’t known was missing was finally in place.

You want to cry. You know this was a one off, but you can’t help wishing that is was more that you could have this… him, for longer.

You startle when cool arms wrap around you and pull you in close. "Remind me to send the witches a thank you card tomorrow. Sleep now, will want round two in the morning, round three after you get off work, round four before bed."

You jerk your head back and look into his eyes. "More? I mean… it's just that I thought…"

Your breath hitches as he swivels his hips slightly, trying to stay inside you. "Sorry pet, I don’t do one offs anymore. If you want me to leave, I suggest you have the Slayer stake me, 'cause that is the only way you are getting rid of me."

You don’t say anything. Any words you might say would be inadequate at expressing your current mental and emotional state. Instead, you lean forward and kiss him deeply. This is like a dream come true; and if it is a dream, you hope to never wake from it.

~Fin~

**Author's Note:**

> This was a S.O.B. to write, but I feel good about finishing it.


End file.
